Most repeated attempt at humor on the internet today.

[DougG]

I have already read at least a half a dozen times this morning different people speculating that the reason for Mitch McConnell’s absence from public view is that he has “rigor tortoise”…

is it possible somebody would read something on the Internet and then try to pass it off as their own later?

[CHAS]

[wtg]

Man, I'm feeling left out. Mitch is burning up the phone lines but he hasn't called me yet. Thune, Barasso, Scott Jennings...

https://www.cnbc.com/2026/07/07/mitch-mcconnell-health-senate-gop.html

[DougG]

Actually, Abraham Lincoln just called me to say that he's doing well after the theater incident

[CHAS]

Have you got something better than "rigor tortoise"? That is not drawing the adoration I need.

[DougG]

[CHAS]

@DougG Ch-ch-ch-changes

[wtg]

"My doctors have confirmed that I didn't break any bones or suffer a concussion. I didn't have a heart attack or a stroke. I don't have any tumors or hemorrhages," McConnell said Sunday. "But I was briefly unconscious and was taken to the hospital. While receiving excellent care over the past several weeks, I've also had to deal with a mild case of pneumonia."

His doctors are trying to figure out what caused the incident, McConnell said, adding he's doing everything they ask to speed up his recovery.

"In fact, with signs of continued progress, I've been able to move from hospital care to a rehabilitation center where I'll keep regaining my strength," he said.

https://www.cbsnews.com/news/mitch-mcconnell-health-update-pneumonia-unconscious/

[DougG]

A fall with a brief case of pneumonia, followed by a period of rehab is probably the most believable case for him having been in the hospital so long and not on life support

so this could be true, or it would be the lie I would make up if it’s not true.

[jon-nyc]

[DougG]

@jon-nyc

finally, a photograph on the Internet that hasn’t been doctored…