Post your jokes here

[ShiroKuro]

These kinds of jokes are not my strong suit, but I'll see what I can come up with...

[wtg]

I needed a laugh so I went looking for dumb jokes. I thought I'd inflict them on everyone else...

[ShiroKuro]

“inflict” is a funny word when it comes to jokes!

[CHAS]

Tried to add this as my signature line. Have not figured it out yet.

“I’m at an age when remembering something right away is as good as an orgasm.”—Gloria Steinem to Julia Louis-Dreyfus on Wiser Than Me

[wtg]

@CHAS

And it looks like you've figured out how to do the signature line!

[wtg]

What do you get when you combine a rhetorical question and a joke?

[CHAS]

@wtg I added the line I wanted for a signature line to that post. Have not figured the signature line bit yet.

[wtg]

I see a signature line . It appears as italicized text right after each of your posts. This is a cropped screen print from my laptop. Sorry the pic is small, I'm still messing with how to post pics and screen prints.

But the green arrow points to the sig line.

[wtg]

What did the Buddhist say to the hot dog vendor?

Make me one with everything.

(This one is so old, but it still makes me laugh. Maybe that's because I'm so old)

[wtg]

What’s the most terrifying word in nuclear physics?

“Oops!”

[wtg]

Three fish are in a tank.

One asks the others, “How do you drive this thing?”

[CHAS]

@wtg Have been told many times that I have an uncanny grasp of the obvious.
I seem to be losing that also.

[Mik]

A duck walks into a pub and orders a pint of beer and a ham sandwich.

The barman looks at him and says,

"Hang on! You're a duck."

"I see your eyes are working," replies the duck.

"And you can talk" !!
Exclaims the barman.

"I see your ears are working, too,"
Says the duck.

"Now if you don't mind, can I have my beer and my sandwich please?"

"Certainly, sorry about that,"

Says the barman as he pulls the duck's pint.

"It's just we don't get many ducks in this pub. What are you doing around this way?"

"I'm working on the building site across the road," Explains the duck.

"I'm a plasterer."

The flabbergasted barman cannot believe the duck and wants to learn more, but takes the hint when the duck pulls out a newspaper from his bag and proceeds to read it.

So, the duck reads his paper, drinks his beer, eats his sandwich, bids the barman good day and leaves.

The same thing happens for two weeks.

Then one day the circus comes to town.

The ringmaster comes into the pub for a pint and the barman says to him

"You're with the circus, aren't you? Well, I know this duck that could be just brilliant in your circus. He talks, drinks beer, eats sandwiches, reads the newspaper and everything!"

"Sounds marvellous," says the ringmaster, handing over his business card.

"Get him to give me a call."

So the next day when the duck comes into the pub the barman says,

"Hey Mr Duck, I reckon I can line you up with a top job, paying really good money."

"I'm always looking for the next job,"

Says the duck.

"Where is it?"

"At the circus,"

Says the barman.

"The circus?"

Repeats the duck.

"That's right,"

Replies the barman.

"The circus?"

The duck asks again.

with the big tent?"

"Yeah," the barman replies.

"With all the animals who live in cages, and performers who live in caravans?" says the duck.

"Of course," the barman replies.

"And the tent has canvas sides and a big canvas roof with a hole in the middle?" persists the duck.

"That's right!" says the barman.

The duck shakes his head in amazement, and says

"What the hell would they want with a plasterer" ???

#jayceeveepee

[wtg]

groan

[Steve Miller]