
Whoâs the greatest movie villain of all time? Forget Darth Vader. Forget Hannibal Lecter. Forget Voldemort. The real answer? Glinda â yes, Glinda the so-called âGood Witchâ of the North. The one in the sparkly pink gown, smiling sweetly, pretending to be everyoneâs friend. Itâs always the ones with the tiaras youâve got to watch out for.
Think about it. She shows up all floaty and radiant in her bubble like some kind of celestial savior, and within minutes sheâs playing a game of cosmic chess where Dorothy is the disposable pawn. The poor girl has just been dropped into a land of technicolor nightmares, barely processing the fact that a house killed someone, and Glindaâs already scheming. First order of business? Magically slap those ruby slippers onto Dorothyâs feet. Without permission. No explanation, no warning, just â zap. And then, with a perfectly innocent smile, she casually drops the bombshell: âOh, and by the way, you canât take them off.â Convenient, right? Almost like she wanted the Wicked Witch of the West to lose her mind. Almost like she knew Dorothy was about to become a walking bullseye.
Then comes the kicker: Glinda sends this Kansas farm girl â armed with nothing but a dog, a picnic basket, and questionable footwear â on what is essentially a suicide mission. âFollow the yellow brick road,â she says, like itâs a Sunday stroll. No mention of flying monkeys. No mention of poison poppies. No mention of, oh, I donât know, the murderous sorceress who now has a personal vendetta against her. Dorothy doesnât need a travel itinerary; she needs a restraining order and maybe a Kevlar vest. But Glinda? She doesnât care. As long as someone else handles the West Witch problem, sheâs free to keep floating around in her glitter bubble, polishing her crown and humming lullabies to herself.
And hereâs the real punch in the gut: Dorothy didnât even need to go through any of it. Not the trek. Not the Wizard. Not the entire Technicolor death march. She could have clicked those heels and gone home from the start. But Glinda conveniently leaves that little detail out until Dorothy has risked life, limb, and sanity. Why? Maybe Glinda wanted her occupied. Maybe she needed a distraction. Or maybe â and this is where it gets delicious â she wanted the West Witch weakened, distracted, and ultimately destroyed, without lifting a perfectly manicured finger.
But you want real proof of Glindaâs dark side? Go back to their very first exchange. Dorothy, sweet, polite, Midwestern Dorothy, says: âIâve never heard of a beautiful witch before.â Innocent, right? Glinda doesnât miss a beat: âOnly bad witches are ugly.â Read that again slowly. What sheâs really saying is: good equals beautiful, bad equals ugly. And then, later, Glinda actually asks Dorothy, âAre you a good witch or a bad witch?â So, letâs unpack this. That means, in Glindaâs sparkly little worldview, if Dorothy were pretty, she wouldnât even need to ask. But since she does ask, well⌠she clearly doesnât find Dorothyâs looks reassuring. Yikes. Subtle, Glinda. Real subtle.
By the end, she sails back in like sheâs been orchestrating this entire saga from her crystal ball. Smiles sweetly, waves her wand, and says, âOh, silly me, youâve had the power to go home all along.â And she has the audacity to act like sheâs teaching Dorothy a valuable lesson about self-reliance, as though all those near-death experiences were some kind of personal growth seminar. No, Glinda. Dorothy didnât need a lesson; she needed a straight answer and maybe a cup of tea.
So yes, while movie history loves to paint her as the benevolent fairy godmother, Iâm not buying it. Behind that saccharine smile is the cold calculation of someone who knew exactly what she was doing. She wasnât helping Dorothy. She was using her. The Wicked Witch of the West may have worn black and cackled like a Saturday morning cartoon villain, but Glinda? Glinda played the long game. The quiet ones always do.
And somewhere, high above Oz, sheâs probably still floating in that ridiculous bubble, humming to herself, wondering how long itâll take before anyone else catches on.