What would you do if someone you cared about had a serious drug problem?
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I'm talking street drugs, crystal methamphetamine, and crack cocaine.
What if this someone's family knew something was up, but had no life experience that would allow them to even take a wild guess as to the substances involved?
What if you couldn't tell the family because you would be betraying the confidence of someone you had lived with for a long time?
Nobody likes the bearer of bad news and it would almost certainly blowback on you personally if you told them.
You'd probably be accused of upsetting them on purpose and/ or commiting a betrayl and being malicious.
How do you have an intervention when the person involved wouldn't be remotely interested and when you couldn't get support from even one ally?
The friends are enablers down to a person.
What if this person was spending a lot of money on this habit instead of paying bills and taking care of their health issues?
What if this person didn't care what you thought about these addictions and adamantly refused to take advice from you?
I'm thinking prayer might be a possible answer.
The situation might feel bleak because one might feel powerless and alone.
Any words of wisdom or psychological encouragement would be most welcome.
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You can’t change people. You can only change your own actions, and how you react.
I’d bail. Self-protection first.
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@AdagioM I agree. I’m sorry Daniel. It sucks when someone you care about has issues like this. But the desire to change and get help pretty much has to come from within.
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Find Nar-anon or Al-anon groups near you.
Nar-anon. org. or Al-anon.org -
Also, I’m basing this advice on assuming that you’re talking about RM? The behaviors you’ve previously described would be an absolute NO on my part if I were on the receiving end. A relationship is a two-way street, and it sounds like it hasn’t been that for a long time.
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My advice is to bail.
This sort of thing is nearly impossible to fix and you don’t want to get dragged in to it.
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We own a mobile home together in a well established, very nice, and very well managed mobile home park. Our mobile home is estimated to be worth over $200,000 by Zillow, and even though I think this figure is ridiculous, we bought it five years ago and prices have gone into the stratosphere since the pandemic.
The title is recorded in such a way that we'd both have to agree to a sale or one of us could sue the other, the asset would be held by the court, then sold off with the proceeds being divided between us according to terms decided by the court, in a process that would take a year.
I have no interest in either option.
It's true that his behavior often amounts to what my indomitable late sister once described as a kind of metaphorical predation.
It's just he lacks the intellect that would be required to overcome my instinct for survival and ability to defend myself. He has never been able to beat me in a fight.
The best example of this dynamic is he put my name on the title conjoined with "or." Maybe a year later he just announced that he wanted me to leave meaning move out. I asked him if I could stay. He said yes. He did the same thing a few months later. I ignored him. He did it a third time and I took his name off the title. He, his mother, and his sister panicked. I told him I'd add his name to the title conjoined with "and" and that he would pay the fees involved. That is exactly what happened.
He can do whatever he wants but I will remain adamant about not giving up what I have achieved after the instability and humiliation of being "just a renter" as they used to derisively say in Hawaii, especially given the astronomical cost of rent in this state.
We don't own the land so we.have to pay a pretty much nominal monthly rent. A 2 bedroom apartment would rent for twice the price.
He was the love of my life but became extremely narcissistic, arrogant, and entitled after loosing his last job in Hawaii and then spending the night screaming and crying.
He was still loving then but over a period of weeks he withdrew into his thoughts and feelings to a pathological degree.
The worst part of it is he's much too intelligent to not know that these drugs are weakening his body and shortening his life.
